looking at you makes me think

Phyllis' apartment
pre dinner comments
March 23, 5:20 - 5:25 p.m.

Looking at you makes me think: how old am I if this is my daughter?? Where are my cigarettes? It's not nice outside today, grey. Too bad dad's not sitting here, I'd like to look at him. I hope he's got somebody else, he must have or he'd come get me; he doesn't like to be alone. Why am I still here? Why am I so down, so tired? I used to be somebody, I used to tell people what to do; just ask Phyllis they'd say, she knows everything; now I don't know what day it is, I don't know anything. Is it 5:30 yet? When is supper? Did I eat already? Dad shouldn't have died. I'm nobody now. Don't comb my hair so rough, it's like you're peeling potatoes. How would you like it?

lost tribes

cafe, whitby, ontario
conversation at next table
12:15 p.m. - 1:35 p.m.

Lost tribes of Israel, brilliant, keep it simple, watched Jimmy Swaggart, in the fridge, never regained back, Jimmy preaching ya know? preaching and telling you, these hired guys, that's the whole thing, large salad, murderer, exactly, I never thought of it that way, my computer, my cell phone, all those people, three hours, I need my peace in the morning, I need my tea, foosball table downstairs, she's gonna get it next week, all this stuff, yeah, my dad, her dad, most men, they're doing something with her, I did enjoy that but I said ya know what, so I'm not going to seniors' days, Saturday night, before you guys come, some men do, I went through daycare, I didn't even know at that point, forty-one, if I'm pregnant, I'll scream, menopause, my mum, fifty-two, was pregnant, needles, epidural, my daughter in labour twenty-four hours, baby, intensive care unit, caesarean, my son so scared, suction, four big grown men, trying to get out of birth canal, nobody cares, need to look at hospital, put them aside, eighty-one year old lady, no hope for her, how much she hurts people, I just want to ask a question, painful now, I can listen to her, healing process, supposed to be you, later, wanted to ask you about something that happened at court today and what you thought about it, so anyway, such a responsibiltiy, this person, you're going to fall down, he lied to her, said his wife left him and had adultery, god spoke to her, said she'd done something bad so she left him with friends looking at her like she's nuts, wow they keep saying, he's trying, he's living with the lord now, just ignore it.

wake

Posada Robles de Besares
Chacras de Coria, Argentina
February 27, 3:30ish a.m.

Wake to room rocking, silent and dark, building shakes like angry giant in next room rearranging furniture, or maybe just Peter; groggy with sleep but who can sleep with room moving, then he appears out of darkness, says did you feel that, the earthquake, points to wildly swinging chandelier, and I wake, completely, and say Earthquake? I thought it was you.

thirty something minutes

Santiago to Mendoza
LAN Airlines
February 25, 2010

Thirty something minutes across, meet tall stranger with sign, Fernando, silver car, tinted windows, drives to posada past empty broken factories, faded crayon shops; in our room---in landscaped garden behind cement walls topped with barbed wire, remote control gate, security cameras and two well fed Rottweilers---all is peaceful; other dogs (also Rottweilers behind also gates?) bark in not so distant distance, everything seems close here, even mountains; outside fence, cars, usually small, dented and old, no hubcaps (what's the point?), race past; graffiti everywhere the way it is in places people have no voice, no other way of being heard above the sound of dogs; silenced until all they can think to say is fuck off, and even that in artistic shapes and bright colours.

open window, no screen

2nd Floor, Hotel,
Santiago, Chile
February 24, 2010

Open window, no screen, sheers tied back with yellow plastic bag (once held goat cheese, fruit, homemade bread); makeshift patio, chairs pulled up, wine (Chilean sauv blanc) poured; A/C unit nests in window box, thick wires bound with duct tape, horns honk, cabs hailed, u-turns made, people pass, pass each other, cars too, noise noise; large trees, leaves like maple, line street, green grass embankment next to always brown river, bikes, cellphones next to ears, cars cars, tires, horns, noise, laptops slung heavy over shoulders, man, ragged, steps into bushes, turns hunched back to street, pulls wallet from pocket, counts pesos, coins only, no bills.

los elefantes

Patio behind Hotel Casa de Campo
Santa Cruz, Colchagua Valley, Chile
February 23, 2010

Half moon, media luna, over hills that look like several elephants who've eaten a boa constrictor; Peter's hiking boot props open back door to our room, large pots scattered on lawn around two-wheel-buggy meant for horse power; sun gone down, los Andes invisible, elephant hills still showing trees, valleys, soon to be sihouettes; air cools, earth smell, family lighting bbq, half moon bright, high high high at 8:30 p.m., one star above closest elephant, another below moon; murmers of bbq-ers, birds caw from dark fields between rows of recently planted vines, Carmenere or Malbec, Peter thinks; music from distant farm, no, from bbq-ers, sound travels strangely, plays tricks (bounces off elephants?).

truck with melons

From Car Window
Enroute to Errazuriz, Chile
February 20, 2010

Truck with melons, desert, valleys, occasional cow, goat, horse, grazing, scattered homes, people in folding chairs at side of highway, rocks, cactus, dust, hills, more people, middle of nowhere selling (water?) to people who don't stop to buy, men in distance do abstract work, stare at ground, poke at pavement with stick, burn debris, clusters of shack villages, factory, horses grazing, black smoke behind shack farm, shack greenhouses, huge field, small red flowers, horse, plough, gas station, men with hoes, hot hot sun, thin shade tucked into plump orchard.